The Working Mothers Conundrum

When I had Ava oh so many years ago, I was employed full time. It was necessary for me to return to work very shortly after her arrival. This was heartbreaking, but it was the only choice available at the time. In time, it became second nature. Habit. Just what it was. It was when we picked up and moved to Indiana that not working became a possibility. The cost of living was such that although it would not be easy, at least it would be feasible to not work out of the home.
The jump from the 40+ hour work week to the ohmygoshwhatamigoingtodowithmydaygototargetagain?!?!? days were insane. It took me a while to transition into stay at home mode. Looking for and moving into our house definitely helped. By the time James came to be I was in my bliss. I could not imagine going back to work. At. All. Grateful every day for the ability to live that way and praying it would not end. We would talk that when the kids were in school all day maybe I would get a part time job. But that seemed so very far away. Still does at times, even though kindergarten looms in the fall.
A few months ago, employment found me. It was kismet. The right people at the right place at the right time for the right thing. (Yes I am completely aware and grateful of this blessing.) And we went around and around with the full time / part time thing. Could we do it? Yes. What would it mean? How would it affect our quality of life? In not too much time it became clear that it would be detrimental to all of us to have me out again for 40+ hours a week. So part time it was. With the full time in the future. When the kids are in school all day perhaps.
But here we are looking at this question again. And still I am at the same answer. Today I worked only three extra hours. By the time I got off work, stopped and got dog food, and drove down to get the kids from school (J was home with his Auntie) it was after four. Then dinner has to be made, homework needs to be helped with and / or checked. Kids need to be bathed and put to bed. Then the list of the day still looms. The dog hair still coats the floor and the laundry is still mocking me from the corner. (After the three loads I did after work Monday!) So as much as I enjoy the work, and the people especially, I am resolved to be part time. My hope is that we can make it work, and I can fill a need at the office that allows everyone to be happy. If not, then here we are at my at home bliss again. Which would be okay. We miss the park sometimes.